


Make a Memory Out of This

by vatrixsta



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Gen, I'm Sorry, So really, also dodgy magic alert, but you watch the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-09 21:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10422132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vatrixsta/pseuds/vatrixsta
Summary: Killian confesses and Emma refuses to let him bear the weight of this sin.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm way, way, way too obsessed with this turn of events. I should never have started watching this stupid show week to week. Unbeta'd (even by myself) and written while I was supposed to be working.

She’d asked him so many questions. Grilled him, really, though he’d answered everything the freedom of a man already convinced of his fate. She made him go over every detail of his day with her father. Everything had been fine, he’d said--better than fine. David had been at peace, finally. Given his blessing to their marriage, assuming Emma said yes. Killian had been totally unaware of his part in David’s tragedy until August arrived with the pages. The only other living soul he’d told was Archie. 

Emma poured him a glass of rum partway through, then another and another, because he needed his old coping mechanism to get through the tale, but also because she wanted him to sleep. She needed to think. To make a very important decision. 

He was pliable as she stripped him and put him to bed. His snore was adorable and for the first time, she saw the version of him she’d encountered in that horrible Wish Realm in the lines of his face. A man who had fought his demons and lost. Who had drowned himself in rum to forget his failures and his heartache. A man who had never tried to be better, never had a reason to change, never had the opportunity to rediscover his good heart. 

The beginnings of that failure, that heartache were etched in the lines of his brow as he tried to fight slumber like a stubborn toddler. She did not believe he would ever allow himself to fall back into darkness again, but she knew he was capable of punishing himself for the rest of his life for this single, dark deed that seemed to signify all the hurt he’d caused in the past. 

“It’s like the book said,” he slurred, his voice sad but resigned. “Villains don’t get happy endings. Regina has lost hers over and over again. I thought maybe…” A puff of air and the silence that followed told her he’d passed out. 

He had a ring. He wanted to build a future. And he’d almost been there, David’s blessing, his good opinion, healing something inside of him. Emma had heard the way he’d spoken of it, the relief and elation now filled with self loathing. Helping her father, being better than he expected, had given him the strength to move on from his past, to live the life he’d been working so hard to deserve. 

Learning he’d been responsible for David’s suffering--no matter the circumstances--destroyed all that work he’d done toward easing his own burdens. 

I should have been his hero then, Killian had whispered after his confession. His father was meant to die before I got there, would have already been dead if I’d arrived five minutes later, but I had the power to save him. I could have sent him home to his son. Instead I sealed his fate. 

Emma remembered a conversation she’d had with Snow after the Evil Queen gave David a coin, taunting him about the truth of his father’s death. Had she known of Killian’s involvement? Was this her big plan to drive a wedge between their family? 

It seemed like a good place to start. Emma pressed a kiss to Killian’s brow and helped him roll to his side where he’d be more comfortable as he slept. She smiled softly as he pulled her pillow to his chest, hugging it tightly in her absence. 

She promised him silently to return soon.

XXXXX

Regina was in her crypt. Because of course she was.

“What are you doing?” Emma asked, frowning at the seriously disturbing number of hearts that were sitting out.

“Something I should have done a long time ago,” Regina admitted, gesturing to the hearts. “I returned the ones I took from Storybrooke residents years ago, but these belong to past enemies in different realms.” She shrugged. “I’m trying to find a spell that will return a heart. It’s… challenging.” 

“Okay, good plan,” Emma said, trying, as always, not to think too much about Regina’s penchant for collecting hearts, “um, so I wanted to talk to you. About the Evil Queen.”

Regina rolled her eyes. “Why am I not surprised this isn’t just a social call?” Regina crossed her arms and gave Emma her full attention. “What do you need to know?” 

“Did you--did she--when she was you--did you guys know about David’s father?” Emma crossed her arms defensively, preparing for the answer she did not want. 

Regina bowed her head slightly. “Only that he was murdered. I suspected King George, but had no proof. When I was…. Before, when I was trying to…” She made a hand gesture that seemed to signify ‘you know, trying to torture and kill your parents.’ “I had planned to give him a coin and watch him unravel as he tried to solve a mystery he’d never solve.” 

“Well, it looks like the Evil Queen made good on that plan,” Emma said. 

Regina’s eyes widened. “No good can come of it. That’s why I didn’t tell him. Emma, you have to stop him from--”

“It’s okay,” Emma said quickly. “Hook handled it. Talked him down.”

“Hook?” Regina said, sounding so shocked it made Emma want to punch her a little. “Isn’t he more the pro-vengeance type?” 

“Not anymore,” Emma gritted out. “He knows where vengeance leads. He wanted to spare Dad from that.” 

Regina had the decency to look contrite. “Well. He would know, I guess.” 

Emma rolled her eyes. She was spoiling for a fight, which wasn’t Regina’s fault, but Regina was easy to fight with, which sort of was. She’d gotten what she came for and leaving seemed like a good idea. However, just because Regina was more prickly about it didn’t mean she deserved forgiveness any less, particularly when she was trying. 

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Emma said. “Help you figure out the heart return receipt thing.” 

“Thank you,” Regina said sincerely. “I… I’d appreciate it.” 

It was as close to sincere as they got with each other. The friendship was strange, but they shared Henry and Emma knew the relationship with Regina would be there for the rest of their lives. The past, present and future was too tangled to avoid it. Sometimes, this little part of Emma still wanted to run, to grab Henry and Killian and go somewhere they’d never be found. But Regina lived for their little boy and Emma didn’t have the heart (pun intended) to do it. Regina deserved her second chance as much as anyone. 

Well, almost anyone. Emma was a little bias. And she had one more stop to make.

XXXXXX

Their bedroom was quiet when she returned. Her trip to Archie’s had confirmed Killian had spared no detail in his retelling of recent events. Finding the information she needed from him had been quite easy. 

Emma was familiar with doing the wrong thing for the right reason. It had never bothered her before and it didn’t bother her now. Robin Hood--the real one--had stolen from the rich to give to the poor. Her own mother had turned to the life of a bandit to survive unfair persecution. 

Killian carried the memory of every person he’d harmed. He felt immense guilt, shame and responsibility for them. He wore rings to remind him of his sins, as if he needed the reminder. 

He did not need to carry this particular man’s death. The truth was a beautiful concept, but not at all costs. Emma had forgiven Neal for leaving, August for orchestrating it, Regina for creating the damn curse in the first place, because all of those things brought her to now, made her who she was. 

The death of David’s father did not make Killian the man he was today. It was an added burden that would cause nothing but suffering and pain. It would not punish the man he was, who didn’t care; it would only punish the man he’d worked so hard to become. The man she loved who was not a villain but a hero and deserved his happy ending. 

Other than the man snoring softly on the mattress, Emma was now the only living person who knew the truth, Archie’s memories simple to alter with the aid of a Dreamcatcher. 

Perhaps being a Dark One for a time did have some benefits. Emma was confident she’d done the right thing when it wasn’t dark magic she used, but the purest light magic she’d ever wielded. 

Her hand pressed against Killian’s forehead gently, a lover’s caress. The contact wasn’t necessary to perform the spell; she just wanted to soothe what was obviously a troubled sleep. She sifted through his mind--it was harder than it had been when she was the Dark One, but easier than it had been with Archie, likely because she knew Killian’s mind so well--and took great, great care not to alter more than absolutely necessary. 

The moment August gave him the pages, he saw only the man on the page; thought of men like him that he had harmed in the past, but had no specific recognition; resolved to continue on the path he was on now as he moved into the future--their future. 

They watched movies and ate milk duds; he was disgusted by them, melancholy because of the past deeds the preceding day had dredged up, but no more. 

He spent the day at Granny’s, trying to work up the nerve to ask her. Worried she might say no because of her issues. Still wondering if he was worthy of her. Knowing deep down inside he wasn’t. 

Her fingers twitched, itching to alter his self image, but that wasn’t the point of this. It was too much. She would not change who he was, even if it was better for him. 

Watching the proposal through his eyes brought her to tears. Even in his memory, the moment he asked and she said yes had brought him a moment of pure, perfect happiness. She fanned the flame of that moment and let it fill in all the cracks that came after, the doubt and guilt and sorrow. She tempered it with truth, and left some of the melancholy. He wouldn’t be Killian if he didn’t brood occasionally about something. 

It was done quicker than she’d thought, including the purge of the night before. She’d wanted him to drink because a blank space in his memory wouldn’t be unusual if he woke up a little hung over.

She pressed her lips to his forehead, his nose, and finally his mouth. Whispered, “I forgive you. I love you. Everything is going to be all right.” 

She sent the Dreamcatchers to the hollowed out tree that brought her here ahead of the curse; used magic to weave them into its bark and branches until they were part of the tree. Part of her family history, but not something that defined them. Not something that would ever break them. Emma promised this was the last time she would do this, that she would take something like this from him. 

Then, because she wasn’t sure she would be able to bear the guilt of a secret between them anymore than he had, Emma took the memories from her own mind and buried them in the tree alongside his.

Emma blinked, a little confused as she looked down at her clothing. She’d gone to see Regina… the hearts. She was going to help her with the hearts. Killian was still asleep. They’d been drinking, celebrating their engagement, and he’d passed out before any ‘nightcaps’ could occur. Smirking, Emma stripped out of her clothes and climbed into bed with her future husband, tugging her pillow out of his arms and laying her head against his instead. 

He smiled slightly in his sleep once she was in his arms where she belonged. They’d been talking the night before, about something… it was emotional, but then again, they were being thrust into fairy tale princess wedding plans, so things were bound to get emotional. Emma tried for a minute to remember what they’d been talking about before, but every time she tried to grasp onto it, she found only a sense of happiness, of the certainty that their future was waiting for them. She’d probably had a little too much to drink herself. 

Whatever it was, if it was important, she was sure she’d remember it eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> Um... so I know this might seem OOC, but I really don't think it is. This is the kind of bad (is it bad, though? Yes, yes it is. But you know...) decision you make with the best intentions in the moment. Emma remembers being the Dark One, remembers all that stuff, and it would be weird to me if she was just unaffected by it forever. Hence this. To be clear, this is not what I would advocate really happen and I much prefer truthfully dealing with the angst. But the idea that Emma would rightfully realize that literally everyone involved was better off if Killian didn't have a fucking photographic lifelong memory.... yeah, I just needed to see it play out. But seriously. I need to be writing my novel. STOP IT STUPID SHIP.


End file.
